Stressed

**TAKES A DEEP BREATH**

So...here it goes. I'm very concerned about not being able to graduate next week. I've had a very rough term this spring and took on a bit more than I could handle (namely, four courses that require more of my time than I had to spare). I'll also admit that I'm burnt out from school in general after all this time and keeping focused has been a major issue for me this term as well. As a result, I'm very close to not getting, at the very least, a C in two of my major requirement courses where a C is required for the credits to count towards the degree. If I don't pull the required grade, not only will I have to retake the courses, but I won't be permitted to walk in the graduation ceremony next Saturday and will have to scrape up another $3,136 to pay for them again.

Also, let's not forget that if I have to retake them, they aren't offered until Spring term 2010 when I will have an infant at home to care for. All I want to do after the baby comes is enjoy having some downtime for once and finally get to spend some much needed time with my family. I don't want to have to worry about school anymore. It's already cut drastically into the time Mike and I have had to spend together over the past 2.5 years of our marriage. I simply don't want to have to make that sacrifice anymore - at least not for a few more years when I'd like to eventually go back for graduate school. At the same time, I've come this far in attaining my degree and it would be absolutely ridiculous to be 6 credits shy and not finish.

Mike just keeps trying to tell me that everything will work out as it always does, but I, unfortunately, don't quite share those positive sentiments. I've got a rough road ahead of me for the next week and a half, and the pressure is piling on. To add insult to injury, this has been a difficult week for me thus far with pregnancy since I've been extremely nauseous, let alone utterly exhausted to the point of feeling very sick, since Monday. With everything going on and being as stressed as I am, I'm very worried about putting so much stress on the baby which only perpetuates the vicious cycle of worrying.

Thank God for husbands who have more faith in us than we do of ourselves.

We Spilled the Beans!

It was so exciting! We told our families yesturday at my SIL's house for Mother's Day. Everyone was thrilled! We found the cutest cards at Target that said "So, you're going to be a new grandma..." and gave one of them to each of our moms. I also stuck the poem I posted about a few days ago inside the card as well. My mom screamed and Mike's mom just kept asking if it was a joke. There were hugs all around - it was a great day! :)

Also, for my first Mother's Day, Mike got me the most beautiful diamond necklace with the figure of a mom holding her baby inside of a large heart. He said he thought it was fitting since this is the week where the baby's heart is supposed to develop and start beating. Since he knows I've been very nervous about there not being a heartbeat at our appt. next week, he said that he hopes it will bring me some hope and peace. It was the best present he ever could have given me (well, except for himself and the baby of course).

5 Weeks

It feels so weird to say that I am 5 weeks pregnant already. I've been feeling fine for the most part - my cramping has mostly subsided, I haven't had any spotting, my boobs are still only somewhat sore, and I have had only one morning this week where I experienced a touch of morning sickness/dizziness. To be honest, I still don't really feel pregnant. If it weren't for my missed period and 4 positive HPT's, I never would have guessed it.

Since there is obviously no belly yet to speak of (well, baby belly at least), here's a picture of the baby's development this week from BabyCenter:

We Can't Keep It a Secret Any Longer!

We're cracking under the pressure! We've decided to tell our parents this Sunday on Mother's Day instead of waiting until after our first appt. and telling at graduation. I'm a bit (ok, ALOT) nervous since I know that I'll only be 5 weeks 2 days on Sunday and my chances of both miscarriage and/or a blighted ovum are still very high. I'm just trying to think as positive as I can right now and am continuing to pray for a healthy baby on a daily basis. The first twinges of morning sickness that I felt this morning are helping me to keep positive for the time being, but I'm nervous nonetheless.

On Sunday we actually have to go to a First Communion ceremony for two of our nephews and then are heading to my SIL's house afterwards for food. My parent's are always invited along to family functions that my IL's have because our families are so close and I've already confirmed with my mom that she'll be there with my dad. The plan for now is to buy "Happy Mother's Day, Grandma!" cards and put the following insert in each of them:

"I do not have a face to see,
or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss,
I don’t yet have a name.
You can’t yet hold my tiny hands,
Nor whisper in my ear.
It’s still too soon to sing a song,
or cuddle me so near.
But all will change come January,
That’s when they say I’m due.
I’m your new grandchild;
And I can’t wait ‘till I meet you!
All I ask between now and then,
Is your patience while I grow.
I promise I’ll be worth the wait,
Because of all the love we’ll know.
So what I have to give to you now,
Is a wish to you from me;
I cannot wait to be a part
Of our family!

Congratulations, Grandma!
Love, Baby M."

Call it pregnancy hormones, but it made me sob like a baby (no pun intended!) at my desk while reading it. My parents are very sentimental so I'm sure they'll love it. Mike's parents are probably the furthest from sentimental as you can get, but I don't care - they're still getting the darn poem!

I'm Such a Nerd

Since we had one HPT left in the house and I still feel like this is just some amazing dream that it will break my heart to wake up from, I tested again this evening at 4 weeks, 4 days (the equivalent of 18 DPO) and this is what appeared:

Since the test line was even darker than the control line this time, I seriously think it's time for me to stop worrying.

This is but one of the the joys of children - we worry about them from before they're even born and then worry about them until the day we die. It's such a vicious cycle :)

BFP Chart

I recently realized that I never posted a picture of my complete BFP chart. So for those of you who are interested, here is it:

Bought My First Baby Books!

Saturday afternoon I decided to run to Barnes and Noble and pick up some baby books to start reading. Even though I've heard very mixed reviews about "What to Expect When You're Expecting", I decided to pick it up anyway and give it a try. I also bought "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" by Glade Curtis and Judith Schuler. I haven't started "What to Expect..." yet, but I did start reading "Your Pregnancy..." and really like it so far. It's extremely informative.

Also, I made it through the party Mike and I went to on Saturday with only one person (who is somewhat obnoxious anyway) commenting on the fact that I was drinking water the whole night. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm that good of a liar or if everyone else just had enough tact not to ask. I'm a little nervous for tonight since we're going out to dinner with some of our friends at our favorite pub. I'm positive they'll notice, especially my best friend, and probably comment on it. I seriously need to work on my poker face today.

Whew, I Made It!

I made it past the day AF was due and can now breathe a big sigh of relief. Even though after 3 postive HPT's I knew I shouldn't be concerned, I couldn't help but be a little on edge about it yesturday.

Now for a Saturday funny - last night, Mike decided he wanted to show his new car off to his oldest sister (who just so happens to have 4 boys under the age of 9). We got there and she jokingly said, "You're supposed to do this when you have a new baby, not a new car!". Mike and I tried to avoid eye contact so that we wouldn't laugh. I can't even remember what his response was at this point (something about there being plenty of room for 2 car seats), I was too busy trying my hardest not to let anything slip!

First Appt. Scheduled

After getting confirmation on a digital HPT yesturday morning, I gave my OBGYN's office a call. I'm scheduled for my first prenatal appt. on May 21st at 1pm. I should be 6 weeks 6 days at the time. I can't wait! Unfortunately, I was told that they don't do an ultrasound at this appt., but I'm still holding out hope that maybe we'll get to hear the heartbeat then. Mike has decided that he wants to come to each and every appt. with me as well, so of course that makes me even more excited that he already wants to be so involved.

Also, since my graduation ceremony is 2 days after my appt., we're contemplating telling our parents right after the ceremony (at 7 weeks 1 day). Since I'll be a first generation college graduate for my family, my parents will already be on cloud nine that day (my dad tears up just thinking about it) and I think announcing the pregnancy then will just be icing on the cake.

As for this weekend, we were invited to a party that's being thrown by one of Mike's co-workers and his wife. My concern is that this couple really knows how to party it up and there is typically alot of drinking at these functions. Since I'm only 4 weeks as of today, obviously we don't want to give anything away just yet. The plan for now is to just tell everyone that I've been sick with the flu (not swine, TYVM) off and on for the past few weeks and that I don't quite feel well enough yet for alcohol. Mike is in charge of bringing pudding shots, so we're going to stick a few bottles of water in the cooler for me for the night. I'm just hoping no one catches on - the plan is to deny, deny, deny!

Digital Confirmation!